So the Lawyer and I were driving around the other day when a song on the radio said the word “sex,” really clearly.
The Lawyer said “I know what that is. This song is inappropriate.” I have heard all my boys say that before. And then you ask them “What is it?” and they say something funny like “The Mom lays an egg and the Daddy helps it hatch.” Aw. Kids really are so dumb.
With the expectation that my Lawyer son would say something equally dumb, I asked him patronizingly, “Oh you do? What is it?”
And I was horrified to learn that not only does he know what it means, but a kid from the neighborhood told him LAST YEAR! “It’s gross,” he concluded. So I gave ExMan a call and we decided it would be a good time for him to have the Father/son disgusting and gross sex talk with the Lawyer.
Here’s how it went:
Dad: Son, Mom shared with me that you’re aware of sex and how it works.
Son: Yes. (he then explains it correctly) It’s gross.
Dad: Well it’s important that you’re aware that is how a baby is made.
Let me pause for a minute and tell you that the Lawyer does not care for babies. He says they poop and cry all of the time and your spend all of your money on them and he has decided he will never, ever have a baby. He might get married, but he is not having kids.
Son: It is? I’m not having kids.
Dad: As you get older in and go to high school and definitely when you go to college, you may be interested in sex and I just wanted you to know that – 1. That’s how a baby is made and 2. You can do things to protect from that and 3. I’m here for you if you have any questions at all.
Son: I just have one question.
Dad: (braces himself) Yes?
Son: How big is the campus?
Dad: What’s that now?
Son: Like if I got to University of Florida, is it a big campus?
Evidently the Lawyer decided that if sex is how you make a baby and he doesn’t ever want babies then he simply does not need to do it. But, he IS planning on going to college. So that trumped the sex stuff.
This guy is just like my son!